Some thoughts

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age.
Few men act theirs.Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

Cheers!